Words have power, whether they are in written, spoken or thought form. So, if you’re not having the success or the type of life that you want, you might be asking for the wrong things in what you communicate to the world outside you (conversations, e-mails, tweets, Facebook entries etc.) or and to yourself (self-talk).
If what you are putting out there or saying/thinking to yourself is negative and not supporting your goals, your focus is on what you don’t want and not what you want. Where our focus is, that is where we spend our energy and time. Think about it, if a lot of your energy is wasted on what you don’t want, then how on earth can you have enough energy left to go for what you want?
Let’s look at your conversation and how you can make a start at detoxing it:
Negative talk and self-talk
Without realised we often phrase our goals in the negative, i.e. we talk about what we don’t want or what we want to avoid. Unfortunately our subconscious mind does not understand negatives, so in fact we focus on the things we didn’t want to happen. If I asked to not to think of a baby pink giraffe with a green hat, guess what you just have been thinking about. And that is exactly how it works with all other thoughts/words.
I invite you to pick a day of the next week to observe your thoughts and words over the course of that day. When you notice any negative statements on things you want to avoid or prevent, rephrase them and make them positive (things you want to have or have happen instead), even if it is in your head. Even if you only do this for one hour (or even 10 minutes) every day, you will notice a big difference, quickly.
Make this a fun exercise and if you children, get them to take part. They will get the hang of it quickly and benefit from the results.
Also check out my earlier blog article “Do you talk yourself out of success?” for ideas what to listen out for.
Repetitive complaints are toxic talk
Complaints are another area of conversation that drags us down. Of course, we not talking about those one-off feedback “complaints” about e.g. bad customer service that directed towards the person who can rectify the bad experience. I am talking about those repetitive (and toxic) complaints that we usually share with friends, colleagues and family who are unable to do anything about it. Examples of those complaints are the weather, what someone at the office did again, traffic issues, and other things that you deem annoying. Complaining unless it is to the person or persons that can rectify the complain puts us in a victim mentality, i.e. it signals that we are not responsible for our life and at the whim of everything. Is that what you want? Or would you rather be in control of your life and be responsible for it?
If you want to be in control, pick another day during the next week and observe yourself for any repetitive complaints that you voice. Notice what you complain about and redirect your thoughts. What good is there in that situation? What could you do differently next time? What does this teach you?
And, if there is any repetitive complaining you do, just because that is what you do at work, just don’t say them. Think of something positive to share with your colleagues instead.
Making excuses is the antidote to success
How often are you procrastinating and coming up with lots of reasons why you cannot or could not do something? And these are not just excuses you make to others but more importantly the excuses you make to yourself. Things like, why you could not get to the gym this week or take that next step towards your goals. Again excuses put us into a position of no control. So if we want to take control and achieve our gaols, excuses can no longer be part of our vocabulary.
Pick another day next week and notice what excuses you use. Don’t judge them or yourself. Just take them as they are and rephrase them into what you want to happen instead. Ideally write that down, and also write down how you will feel when ‘what you want to have happen instead’ happens. You will find after just a short time things will start moving and you will achieve more.
Also check excuses that make, if you really want what you are making excuses about. Excuses often are a sign that we living other people’s dreams and not our own and that is why we are resisting and avoiding those particular activities.
Writing down your rephrased thoughts or conversation statements of what you want instead or what you want to have happen instead is very useful as it re-inforces the positive message and it acts as a reminder to yourself. So, if you are able to keep a journal with you during the day, I’d very much recommend you try this and see how it works for you.
- Check out Will Bowen’s book: A complaint free world in the recommended books section of this blog
- Check out Jane Scrivener’s book: Detox your mind in the recommended books section of this blog