Do you talk yourself out of success?

One of the reasons why you may not achieve the success you want could be that your thoughts and the words you say to others about your goals and successes are disempowering and negative.

Consider this: a few years ago the National Science Foundation in the US estimated that a person thinks about 12,000 – 50,000 thoughts per day. This means we think a lot of thoughts a day, a different thought every few seconds and thought patterns recurring throughout our day. A lot of women have been conditioned by parents and society to downplay their talents, achievements and goals. Often, this conditioning is reflected our thoughts and words. Researchers have estimated that most people think negative or disempowering thoughts more than 50% of the time. No wonder, a lot of people find they are not achieving what they want.

So, have you listened to your thoughts lately? And I mean, really listened?

If you have not, I urge you to do so.You might be surprised what you discover. If you are unused to monitoring your thoughts, you might find it easier to start with listening out for what you say to other people and what words you use when communicating your goals and your achievements. Are those words or thoughts mainly positive and empowering or are they mainly negative and disempowering?

What are your thoughts or self-talk when you did something well? And what are you thoughts when things did not go so well?

Notice how you react internally (and externally) to compliments people pay you, to positive feedback you get given or to something you have achieved. Are you celebrating internally, think happy thoughts or congratulate yourself or are you on the others negating or brushing of that positive experience?

And how do you talk to yourself internally when something is not going so well? Do you call yourself names, make derogatory statements about yourself or put youself down in some way? Or do you treat yourself as your best friend assuring yourself that things will get better, the event is a one off or you learnt from this experience and next time you will change your approach?

How do you communicate your goals to other people? To yourself?

Notice how you think and talk about your goals. Do you use a lot of words like should/shouldn’t, ought/oughtn’t, might/might not, need, must/must not, have to? Using these types of words could mean that the goals are necessarily your own or you do not believe you will achieve them. Or are you stating your goals and your next steps more along the lines of ‘I am going to do x’, ‘I intend to x’ or ‘I want to do x’? Those words are empowering language and indicate that you are committed to your goals, they are your own and you believe in them.

Every thought we think reinforces the preceeding thoughts. Imagine a bank account. If you keep putting money in (positive thoughts), your money will grow and you will get interest. However, if you keep taking out money (negative thoughts) you will get overdrawn quickly. To keep your account healthy and growing, watch your thoughts and turn negative ones into positive ones where you can. Although it initially it might feel difficult, with a little practice it becomes a lot easier and can be a lot of fun.

So this week, I invite you to listen in to your thoughts and your inner self-talk! Notice what words you use lots of, and also what words you do not tend to use much. Then after listening to yourself for a few days, take some recurring negative thoughts and rephrase them to more positive ones and see how that feels? You might like to try on different version of the same thought, just for fun. And notice what changes in your life, when you work on your thoughts!


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One response to “Do you talk yourself out of success?

  1. Pingback: Detox your conversation! | Being a successful Woman

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